and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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