my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
