Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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