Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
