Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You need a sexual gate keeper
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
