Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
