i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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