I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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