All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
