I just made out with a guy for $7.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
