that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
