im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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