why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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