Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you never un-have a 4some
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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