The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
