My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
