I faked an abortion last night.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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