Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
