I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
