he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We have so much sex to catch up on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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