fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
