Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
