Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
