I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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