Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
