broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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