That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
