Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
