She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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