I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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