In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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