i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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