So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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