idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
