You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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