I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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