it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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