College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
