I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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