he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
