i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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