No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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