Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
