Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
