I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
