Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
