How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
