so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
