You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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