I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
