R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
