i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
