I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
