this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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