One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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