just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
