Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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