i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
