Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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