Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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