I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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