I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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