Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
