im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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