"it" just moved
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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